If you look at women’s forums and magazines, you begin to get the impression that without jealousy it is impossible to ignite a flame of passion in a man. Girls and women seriously advise each other to “make him jealous and tormented.” Is it worth it, and how not to go over the edge, this article will tell.
All pros and cons
Healthy, measured love can really refresh a relationship, give it a boost, and show your partner how much you value them. But don’t forget that jealousy is a very dangerous feeling, and its consequences can be unpredictable.
Usually, it is a question of whether to make a boyfriend (husband) jealous, girls and women ask when they feel that they are not liked enough , they are not as important as they would like, they are valued, they are not afraid to lose them. Here you need to stop and think carefully – after all, all of the above comes to you, you thought that you are your expectations, which to some extent are not met. Maybe it is easier to reduce claims?
The second question that a woman needs to ask before she starts developing a cunning plan to challenge jealousy in a partner – and why does he need it? Try to answer this, but avoid formulations like: “Because it is so and so.” The question is what is needed, and not why. The answer should be as honest as possible. Look at it detachedly, perhaps it will be so disgusting that all the desire to cause jealousy will disappear by itself.
A woman who tries to cause jealousy in a partner sincerely believes that it will positively affect the relationship that a man will instantly revise everything and will be afraid of losing him. That is, the girl makes a man jealous in order to improve relations. But in practice this is not always the case. With a high probability, such actions will be detrimental to your relationship, especially if you plan to live with this man a long and happy life, raise children, build a house.
Relationships will gradually die, because jealousy is dangerous precisely because of its long-term perspective – when relationships in a marriage become ordinary, passion disappears, enough minor offenses accumulate, it can remind you of this non-existent rival that you created for yourself. This is how pathological paranoid jealousy develops, how marriages fall apart and life collapses.
Jealousy has a tsunami-like effect. And it has nothing to do with love. The claim that “jealousy means love” is simply not true.
If your plans are for a serious relationship with a man, then you should not nip them in the bud, because while you are not married, you have no obligations to the other. And therefore, it is possible to achieve the opposite effect – a man simply decides that a woman is not reliable, and he will definitely not marry her.
Men are quite wise and it would be a mistake to consider them ignorant. They quickly distinguish manipulation from other motives. If a woman tries to test their feelings for power to satisfy their own ambitions, they find it quite quickly. Needless to say, there is no question of trust in such relationships. Men do not want to be victims of manipulation, they usually decide not to marry women who have been convicted of manipulation at least once.
Jealousy from a distance is also not the best option, as women want. Such situations, even thought out to the smallest detail and corrected, can form an opinion of the partner forever – he will no longer trust, believing that a woman will continue to receive signs of attention from other men. And every time he or his partner has to leave for business or pleasure, he will be tormented by doubts that he will clearly not benefit the relationship.
There is only one situation where male jealousy will be normal. This is if you are not yet married and if a woman has done absolutely nothing to provoke or artificially provoke jealousy. In the courtship stage, the man himself feels like a match.
There will be nothing terrible in that he will begin to understand that along with the woman he loves, there may be other male acquaintances. This is a normal natural competition.
But here, from the nature of the woman, behavior is required. You should not hide that you communicate with other men, but you should not advertise. You should not talk about yourself, but in a conversation, such information may come up and sound natural. It is not a fact that a man will be jealous, but it will be quite normal jealousy created by nature, in which there is nothing pathological.
If all of the above doesn’t convince you and you really want to give your lover a little emotional turmoil, let’s consider the most common reasons for jealousy in a couple and assess whether it’s possible to act intentionally in these situations.
Reasons for jealousy
Jealousy is a generous feeling mixed with the fear of losing, losing, ceasing to possess. The reasons for this feeling can be any number. Men are naturally arranged so that it is important for them to win, to win, and women have learned to use this feature of the representatives of the stronger sex. The main thing is not to overdo it.
There are several proven methods, but not all of them will do if not a fleeting bright relationship is planned, but a strong and serious marriage.
Start taking care of yourself.
A woman who has suddenly changed her image, dressed and walks in a beautiful and mysterious man, very interesting. Some begin to wonder aloud about what happened, while others are silent and in their souls go through versions of the reasons for the miraculous transformation. The method is excellent, useful, non-violent. Questions can be answered evasively or even limited to the Mona Lisa smile, to laugh.
The transformation will benefit a woman – it will raise her self-esteem, she will take on herself an admiring look of her partner and other men. It is possible that someone else’s views will accidentally intercept the object of heartache. Then the effect for him will increase several times. The worst thing you can do is the female answer to the male question: “Everything is for you.” Such answers discourage people, reducing internal competition.
Delays at work
Quite dubious. A woman who, even before marriage, often stays at work, in the eyes of a man is not an ideal candidate for a husband, because few people like to make lonely dumplings after a working day, while the wife is busy with her work problems. Therefore, they try to provoke jealousy messages that need to stay at work, not too attentive. Of course, a man will not break off relations only because of this (although it happens), but he will not rush to make an offer.
If you are actually staying at work, present it as a forced circumstance and ask your partner to meet you at work. This will give them a sense of self-worth, as well as reduce possible jealous states (in this case, unlike the previous example, they don’t need anything).
Visit friends one
If you are not married and are not bound by certain agreements and obligations, then there is nothing unusual about this – a woman has the full right to communicate with her friends without her man. She cannot choose a chosen friend, and this will not only cause a feeling of jealousy from a suitable man, but will not become a reason for insult. Now, if a man rises to this stage, you also need to think about whether it is worth building a relationship with him, because when it comes to marriage, such a person will do everything to not have friends, because he will try to control every step.
It is strongly recommended not to deceive a man (even if the deception is pre-arranged). If a woman goes to her friend and then does everything to doubt exactly where she is, good will not work; this is why a man doubts his chosen one.
There is also a downside to separate leisure activities: if you now prefer to communicate with your friends and girlfriends without a chosen one, then he may not want to introduce you to his friends. Will such a relationship be complete? More likely not.
Flirt with other men
This way of causing jealousy subconsciously, without having sufficient life experience, uses everything, but especially in childhood, at school. For first love, other ways are unknown and inaccessible. But for mature adults, this method is unacceptable. A girl or woman who openly flirts with other men in front of her own partner, even if they are not married, risks losing her partner forever.
Not every man will suffer the torments of jealousy, not everyone will rush you with flowers and a wedding ring. Many in such situations react. Not because they cannot or do not want to compete with others, but because they simply do not see the point: a woman who willingly accepts the courtship of other men, in their opinion, will not be the best wife and mother of children.
Even if she manages to achieve her goal and the groom doesn’t run away, there is no guarantee.
Social media activity
In social networks, as many believe, more is allowed than in life. The virtual space is very difficult to regulate. Some use their activity in social networks both to find love and to “fix” it. Men perceive social networks as a projection of reality, and therefore the freedoms in correspondence, which a woman can allow herself on the Internet, in order to then reach her chosen one, they will be considered the same as flirting with men in reality.
On the one hand, there is nothing terrible in the fact that a woman “likes” a photo of another man, writes a neutral comment on the post or video, but on the other hand, this is the paradox of “likes” – they influence the psyche too much. This can ruin the relationship, although a strong, self-sufficient and intelligent man who has grown up since adolescence simply does not pay attention to such things.
A partner’s overly emotional reaction to virtual reality events speaks of his psychological and emotional immaturity. You should not build a serious relationship with such a man – he is not ready for them.
SKIP
Ignoring someone who has done absolutely nothing wrong to you can be very hurtful. And it certainly won’t help improve your relationship. If, in your opinion, your chosen one has committed a rash act, then ignoring them in any case does not solve the current problem.
The decision not to notice a person and his attempts to talk is a deviation from reality. Relationships cannot improve if partners do not have the opportunity to discuss what interests them. But ignoring can even destroy a very calm man. It is difficult to say what he will do. It depends a lot on the temperament, upbringing, personal traits of the character and life experience. Some, after several attempts to talk, simply leave everything as it is, and then the woman herself will have to think about how to get out of a difficult situation. With a good face in a bad game, this will be almost impossible.
Receiving gifts
Gifts are unknown from whom, and even if it is known from whom they come, you can only accept them. These occasions include birthdays, anniversaries, New Year’s and other special occasions. But even if the gifts are justified, they should not be too expensive, otherwise it will cause suspicion of your choice. Even the elementary rules of etiquette prohibit accepting expensive gifts from people with whom you are not close or related.
Making a man jealous with gifts from a partner is easy. But this jealousy will be on the verge of being pathological and no improvement in the relationship will occur.
Why be afraid?
Jealousy is also dangerous because it causes addiction like a strong drug. Gradually, the desire to tickle the partner’s nerves will be stronger and stronger, and then the woman will begin to turn any incomprehensible situation in the relationship into a method of manipulating jealousy. Gradually, the partner will become addicted to jealousy, because after it there is a violent and emotional reconciliation. Such a state can bring a person to madness.
It is very difficult at the beginning of a relationship to distinguish a normal jealous person from a pathological one. Jealousy in both cases starts small, is unobtrusive, does not interfere with either partner and introduces a certain variety into their relationship. But then everything can get complicated – the partner will start to be jealous for no reason, will not hear your attempts to explain and justify, gradually it will turn into a paranoid or manic disorder, and then you can not do without the help of a qualified psychiatrist.
Pathological jealousy is treated with great difficulty and it is almost impossible to maintain a normal family relationship with such a jealous person. In addition, the share of aggressive jealousy accounts for up to 70% of all crimes.
You cannot predict in advance what effect the artificial jealousy you have created will have on your partner’s psyche. If he or she lacked parental love as a child, if you had a negative experience with the betrayal of a beloved woman, if he or she has low self-esteem, the effect can be overwhelming, but not at all what you want. Instead of building strong relationships, you will destroy them, it will undermine the foundations of any healthy relationship – trust and intimacy.
Tips for psychologists
A good psychologist who wishes you well will never advise a man to provoke jealousy in one way or another. But there are recommendations that will help maintain the partner’s interest in a completely natural way, without pathological feelings that can destroy both the relationship and the health of the participants in the events.
- You have a private space. Never allow anyone to encroach on it. Your space is the domain of interests and hobbies, friends, work, goals and personal growth. Respecting you and your partner will accept them as their own. A man’s attempts to limit a woman’s personal space, ridiculing her goals and hobbies, prohibiting communication with friends is an alarming sign of a future tyrant at home, who will turn your life into hell without jealousy.
- People don’t like “sweets”. Too often, talking to a representative of a stronger sex about love, writing SMS, calling 10 times a day with confessions and faithfully as a dog during meetings, looking into his eyes is a sure way to end the relationship as soon as possible. Sooner or later (rather sooner), the man will get bored and find another who is not trying to catch him headlong into the field of his own love experiences.
- It is not necessary for a woman to tell everything about herself. – the lack of mystery and the veil of mystery in a woman very quickly makes a man cool down. Especially you should avoid the details of previous relationships – the first for a man is also a competitor.
- Be yourself and let your partner be you. It is not necessary to seem better or worse to interest the representative of the stronger sex. His psychology denies pretense, people are simpler. So allow yourself what was allowed before the appearance of this person in your life – a change of mood, for example. If she is rational, non-hysterical, then this will keep the man “in good shape.”
- Don’t flirt with his friends. It will end badly, and even if the man himself doesn’t make a scene with you because of it, his friends will remember for a long time, including in his presence, that he clearly lost his cool with his choice of a friend.
- The most destructive advice that can be found – rejection of intimacy. Yes, such actions on the part of women will certainly cause a violent reaction. But this is such deliberate manipulation, then it is not noticeable unless it is blind and poorly thought out. Men are painful about manipulations in matters of intimate life, do not tempt their fate.
American satirist and journalist Henry Louis Mencken, who was admired by the best minds of mankind, once gave advice to all the beautiful ladies. He wrote the following: “If you want to keep a man, make him a little jealous. To lose him, make him more jealous. That is the main principle.”
A woman who has decided to stimulate jealousy in a partner is taking a risk, and the responsibility for the consequences lies entirely with her. Whether you jeopardize relationships that can be happy is up to you.